Fare-Well 2019?

Woke up early and I am happy! But after awhile, I got yelled at, “when are you going to listen, you God damn bitch!”

I brought my ginormous laptop to bed because I didn’t want to be in the living room nor dining room. It’s too cold for a Filipino! He wanted to sleep more.. I understand…
So, I obliged! I put my laptop away, my spirit of offense away, my pride, my good morning? Denied!

I am keeping the good to my morning though. But I will take offense and allow my demons to ruin my morning a little.

Ohhhhh anyway! In a few days from now, I am waving goodbye to 2019. How time flies!

The reason why I wrote my husband’s morning chant. BECAUSE IT IS THE END OF THE YEAR ALREADY!!!! WHY SO HARSH STILL???

Technically, I just disobeyed that part of the Bible that says, “keep no record of being wronged”

If there’s one thing I wanted let go of every year, it’s this.

HARSHNESS because others are.

OFFENSE, because I easily get offended. 🤦

I am not like other people who can control themselves each time an offensive statement or words are being thrown at them. I have my dragon days as I call it– only when provoked! And my puppy days, when offended.

In my annoyance, I never had reacted to it resorting to harshness first towards a person. But rather, towards an event or a circumstance.

Whenever I am upset with clutters, I react ONLY ABOUT THE CLUTTER. While others will add, “harsh words” easily.

I value words like life. I have treated words as my refuge and my means of defense as well. In fact, I had gotten so used with it, that every harsh words spoken at me, deflects harsh words thrown at them. Like playing pingpong.

“Harsh words against my family, deflects harsh words against yours”

“Harsh words against my friends, deflects harsh words against yours”

You reap what you sow indeed. But when is this cycle going to end? I claim to not embrace offense but words are too powerful to not even be offended by it. Especially when it’s from someone you thought will never disregard your feelings.

I always remind myself, Hannah, hurt is a mask of pride. Pride shouldn’t be in your heart. But why is hurt even created if we aren’t allowed to experience it.

Is pretending to not be hurt a mask of pride too? Or pretending you are okay, a mask of pride too?

When do we draw the line of transparency and discreet.

I was wrong of bringing my laptop to bed and for insisting using it, because he is right. It can wait.

If that was me, what will I do? I will probably yell too!

“Come on, I need some sleep” ” you’ll be home the whole day anyway.. put those away! You’re bothering me!”

Oh yes! It’s okay to be upset. It’s definitely acceptable to react! But we should use our words the right way. And we should react appropriately.

However, we usually do the opposite when we are upset. We say things we never truly mean. Our diabolical self gets in the way most times—as a result, we reap the rewards of it.

There are those that I appreciate in this life who will never blame their circumstances. When they wronged someone, they acknowledged, evaluate, and assess themselves—

Usually, these people are the ones who get the most in life. They value just about anything. Even mistakes. They take it as an opportunity for growth.

And there are those who will never take responsibility towards their actions. The ones who will make excuse after excuse. These are the ones who are still hiding in their own shadows. Who will think less about themselves but also think more of themselves. They receive mistakes as a failure instead of a lesson.

Who do we want to be? I will bid 2019 goodbye soon.

But for now, let me evaluate myself honestly one more time.

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