When did I even start to trust you.

When did I even start to talk to you.

To open up.. To share..

It’s probably because of my curiosity as a child that lead me to trusting you.

Your love for Jesus is so vivid.

Your presence alone changes everything around you.

When mama left, you became my rest.

For some wild reason, you provided me with His peace.

I was always hard on myself~ hard to trust others~ and there was always an invisible shield that I chose to never disclose.

With you, it was easy to break those.

With you, it was a breeze—

And you never failed to listen.

There was this instant connection.

You didn’t even have to try.

We didn’t have to try.

We shared our stories..

Stories after stories after stories…

Our similarities somewhat gave me comfort.

That I wasn’t alone.

You’ve shared my childhood stories— mostly the good ones!

And when I reminded you of the bad ones, you didn’t think I will remember.

Then your famous line,

“I love you Hannah girl…”

I kept sharing— everything unfiltered.

When I was mad about something..

I told you.

You listened. Then your words..

“God is still good. Have Faith in Him”

When I was ecstatic..

I told you…

“You said, I am happy for you”

When I struggled, I told you…

And for the first time, I felt someone was willing to fight with me…

Your reaction then gave me hope.

That, it’s okay to not be okay.

That it’s okay to be ourselves.

To not hide anything.

To tell others when we are hurting.

You taught me how to face my giants~

Giants that never existed.

You taught me to fight evil with goodness.

You taught me to remain calm in the midst of struggles.

You were always there.

You were always there.

You were always there.

Then one day, our long conversations stopped.

They told me, to reach out to you.

Because you might need it.

But I couldn’t seem to bring myself to ask you… “How are you”

So, I treated you the same.

I didn’t want what they told me to define you.

I talked to you like nothing is wrong.

You never showed it. You looked fine.

You looked totally fine.

That’s why it hurts. It hurts so much.

Now, I lost the chance.

The chance to listen to you.

So, let me grieve for a short while.

I will move on anyway–

because that’s my only choice.

But I will only see you as my comfort.

The one who is faithful.

The one who is soft-spoken and gentle.

The one who’s presence radiates love.

The one who’s smile, exudes empathy and compassion.

That’s you. The you that I know.

Until the last time,

I am asking you another favor…

Please carry my heart with you.

I love you and I will miss you.