As the song by Matthew West goes, “I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it, that BEING HONEST is the only way to fix it.”
If honesty is the way to fix it, then I am sure I can be honest with You.
But a mind boggling advice stabbed my bleeding heart to pieces, “Don’t share your DIRTY LAUNDRY to the world. They don’t think like you.”
For some wild reason, this comment got stuck in my brain like a wildfire. I am thankful yet questioned the heaviness of this statement.
This advice seemingly implies that there’s BLISS IN SILENCE.
That the world isn’t going to change just because you openly shared your burden.
That we should be STRONG and we should put the I am strong in the Lord mask on because we are Christians and we are ought to DO the REAL Christian walk~
When I allowed this emotions to hover around my heart and mind, I learned many things in the process.
1. When you tell a betrayed to shut up and never say a word about what happened to them, it’s like telling them, their FEELINGS DON’T MATTER, and that EMOTIONAL AFFAIR isn’t so bad.
I agree! It isn’t so bad if I will to compare it to someone who has been left by the UNFAITHFUL, or a betrayed who’s unfaithful slept with someone else not once but many times, or caught the unfaithful red handed having sex with someone else.
Definitely!!! That is nothing compared to the pain caused by emotional affair, or is it really NOTHING? Because I don’t think it is…
2. As a betrayed, you are always in a bind. You think of yourself, but you think of the UNFAITHFUL’S WELL BEING. You want to express your disgust, your emotional highs and lows, your never ending questions, your heightened insecurities, heightened paranoia, and your annoyance to self, yet you also want to control and hide your wavering feelings so bad because you don’t want to push the UNFAITHFUL away. You somewhat care, but you DON’T want to! A very confusing state to be at indeed.
And while doing this, you are also questionning your kindness that wasn’t or hasn’t been reciprocated. You repeatedly ask, why am I the only one trying?
The unfaithful might have seemingly repented, had remorse… but if the actions shown doesn’t match with the promises blurted, that’s when you bombard yourself with another set of questions.
Is he/she really going to change?
Is he/she going to even try?
What if we just give up?
What if we fight?
Should I try? Why will I do that?
The never ending calculation, never ending PRIDE SQUEEZING circumstance seemed like a sign of FAITH LACKING~ you go from singing worship songs, praying, to asking—
God, how long is this going to be?
The chaotic spirit inside just won’t go away. You know you aren’t angry. You know you have forgiven 100% but still cannot move past the stage, is this worth it?
The annoying part is, when you express your pain, you will be told,
YOU NEED A COUNSELOR!
YOU ARE CONTENTIOUS!
I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOR SEE YOUR FACE!
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS DRAMA!
JUST FILE A DIVORCE!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
I’m sure these are all familiar to those of you who experienced betrayal and yet decided to stay.
I WANT MY PEACE!
When you hear these,
Will you still fight?