“You hide because that’s all you’re allowed to do and you’re expected to hide anyway.”
It seems like everything around you is dim and dark and a tiny light would have been enough to at least see your shadow, a shadow that you can be yourself with, a shadow you can pretend to be friends with, a shadow that portrays your own darkness. You wonder, why do I have to find the light when all I can see is my own mirror of darkness.
It’s dark and you wanted to hide. But you’re not hiding from anyone else, you are hiding from yourself and you want to find yourself as well.
Confusing, that’s what’s going on in your confined and lonely world and you want to liberate yourself from it. At first, you’re too scared to look at your own reflection in the dark, then it became as if it’s a part of you, connected, unending, and still dark.
You know that there’s nothing to hide for, but you are too weak to even care what you know. You know that you don’t even have to look at it but you still choose to. Your weakness became so loud, a deafening loudness, sharp and noisy—- then you realized, it was quiet.
You walked away and still wanted to hide, and you got tired because no one dared to seek you out, to reach out and even ask you. “And even if they did, you don’t have the strength to tell them what you’re hiding because that’s what you’re good at and that’s what you are expected—-to hide.”
So, you smiled and said, “I’m fine.” when what you really mean was, help me… I’m lost and I need you to find me…
You don’t know anything. Everything seems to look well. Then, came a point when looking well isn’t an option anymore and as great of an example you are, you have secrets and you’d rather keep it to yourself than be thought of a victim, that you’re having a pity party, that you’re being a fake believer because you’re feeling all dark from within.
Each one of us has a battle and it’s up to us if we fight or we surrender. As much as you wanted to give up, you painfully fought. You felt that despite the struggle, you’re still losing anyway so you decided to just give up.
In exchange you hid—- you liked the darkness instead because everything was too fake, too complacent and too weak to even believe– no matter how hard you try, no matter how deeper you try to understand—-
Christians can be fake too, we can be fake in our own little way!!!! We hide because we are too weak to admit that we have flaws too. And our flaws might be the reason for other people’s failure. Or maybe their flaws can be the reason for our failure.
You’re too scared to be yourself because you don’t want them to think that the God you’re serving wasn’t or isn’t doing His job. You know that in your weakness, He is your strength but you’d rather appear fine from the outside. And you didn’t realize you’re actually hiding from your own darkness by doing it.
It’s the hardest battle because you only have God to listen and the people around think you are doing alright in your walk. But where do you start? How? When? Who do you talk to? When you don’t know who to trust anyway…
A Christian like me can look totally fine from the outside and you won’t even figure out what’s going on from within me, so who am I to know who to talk to? We have our own mask and identity and it’s our choice if we remained that way.
No matter how many bible verses we know, how many times we read it, how many people encourage us—- THOSE WON’T MATTER IF WE ARE DOING IT BY OBLIGATION.
“If we ONLY allow the bible to speak to our lives, we won’t be living defeated.”
We have every reason to hide but it’s not what we are called to do.
Our career, our life, our family, our mother, our father, our children, our friends, our sister, our brother, our wife or our husband shouldn’t be the reasons why we want to hide.
“If we struggle in our journey as a Christian, it’s not because of them, it’s because of us.” We should not let it affect us, control us nor change us. We are our own image and we have been redeemed by the blood of Christ. Whenever we have our hiding moment and we want to be sought in one way or the other—remember to not let words, people nor situation affect you. Do not bully yourself. Because It’s not true.
“You are worthy and no matter what, it’s already a done deal, signed and sealed.”
You are a warrior of God. Don’t be scared by your own shadow, it only means you are looking at your own abilities and when you do, you will only see the darkness in you…
Look up, Seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him.