Things to Remember after a Heartbreak

Have you ever get your heart broken? It’s so painful that you can’t stop crying day and night. Your friends keep telling you to move on, but there seems to be no way for you to do it. And you have the courage to do so.

You miss the person so much that you can’t help but cry while eating, while you walk pass by a place where both of you had beautiful memories together, while stalking his or her Facebook and Instagram account, while you’re listening to your professor, while listening to music——- You tried to let go and move forward but you always caught yourself stuck again in the same predicament and ended up calling and texting the person, “I miss you—” “Can we make it work?” “What do I have to do for you to stay?” sometimes, you call and you don’t want to even talk, you just want to listen to the voice from the other line…and you think, “I love you, please come back…” but you couldn’t seem to utter those words.

After a month of enjoying school, work, and friends night outs, here you are alone in your bedroom again stalking the persons’ social media accounts— asking the same question over and over and over again—- “What went wrong?”

What’s wrong with me? What have I done? What could have I done?

You are not alone! I’ve been there, done that and it’s okay. Albeit you don’t want to be in such a situation, just don’t ever forget THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!

Like the rest of us, we will all go through a process in life and no matter how hurt we are, we have to make a decision for ourselves. So what should you do now?  What’s next?

HERE ARE THINGS TO REMEMBER AFTER A HEARTBREAK.

IT WILL BE PAINFUL SO CRY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.  Yes, I cried rivers years ago because I got my heart broken and for some reason, I couldn’t stop crying– my sister told me I’m too stupid and to just let it go but her words and pieces of advice at that time wasn’t really helping me— every time she tells me, it will work out good and it’s not my loss, all the more for me to sob! Guess what, IT HELPED!  So just let it all out! Scream if you want, let your friends laugh at you if they want, just cry and cry and cry until you get tired of it— This might sound weird but while crying, just think of all the good things you both did together! Of course, you will cry all the more but listen, it’s better than asking yourself why the person left you—- ooopps, sorry for reminding you but seriously, I’ll say it again…

THINK OF ALL THE HAPPY MEMORIES while you are crying and how you started dating, all the crazy things you did together–I know it doesn’t make any sense but this will divert your attention to the good and not the bad. After all, you LOVED the person anyway. Allow your heart to embrace all the good things and let go of the bad— by doing this, you are giving yourself a big favor! You might be crying about it now, but you’ll realize great things later.

YOUR PAIN IS TEMPORARY.  Don’t worry, you’re not going to be in pain for a long time. For now, just embrace it but don’t allow yourself to be tortured by your negative thoughts. You can have all the questions now that you don’t have any answers for but one day, you when are finally over this, you’ll find yourself not needing the answers. It will just naturally happen.

DO NOT BELIEVE ANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS to cover your innocent mind then controlling your emotions. Remember, just because you are heartbroken, it doesn’t automatically mean you are a terrible person and you are not lovable!!!! LIES! If you allow yourself to be defeated by those thoughts, you will just add fuel to your burning heart. So why don’t you burn those negative thoughts to the fire instead? It won’t be easy but you’ll get there if you acknowledge the good and not the bad.

AVOID LISTENING TO REBELLIOUS OR SAD MUSIC. You know you are already in pain, why torture yourself with a piece of sad and rebellious music when you can listen to great positive and encouraging ones? When my friend was heartbroken, I told her to listen to “You are more by Tenth Avenue North”—The song goes like this, you are more than the choices that you’ve made, you are more than the sum of your past mistake, you are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade”—- So my friend, if you are heartbroken now just think about being remade! Again, it doesn’t make any sense now but later on, it will!

FORGIVE. I know! I know! It’s not easy— Well, I’m giving you a choice now. It’s really totally up to you. Forgiveness is not easy but you are doing this for yourself anyway—-  See, when we forgive we are actually encouraging ourselves and reminding ourselves that it’s not their fault or our fault. It’s human nature, we change constantly and if that change means falling out of love guess what? Forgive! This is why when before I got married, I have to understand what love really is—- I thought for a long time it’s only about how I feel towards the other person but it’s not! Love is more than feeling— It’s a decision you have to make over and over and over again. Let’s talk more about this later.  Going back to forgiveness, after my ultimate heartache, I actually sent the guy a letter of forgiveness– I told him it’s nobody’s fault— that even though he left my heart shattered to pieces, he once completed it too and once made my heart flutter. I told him, that it’s okay if I wasn’t the person that he really wanted.  Of course part of it, I asked him questions too— “did you love me?” “Was I important?– Well, he didn’t really give me answers but I felt peaceful after sending him it. I’m not going to deny, I called him names too before I sent him my forgiveness letter but guess what— THAT’S WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO IF YOU WILL ALLOW NEGATIVE THOUGHTS rather than good thoughts. So forgive even when it’s hardest to do.

Lastly, TALK AND SURROUND YOURSELVES WITH GREAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  Never hesitate to talk about it to your parents, siblings or friends. If you are a girl, you’ll find this very easy to do but for guys, not a lot of you will this. I will never forget one of my brothers first heartache, he was extremely upset almost to tears and told me, she broke up with her 5-year long relationship”.. Jokingly, I said— it’s okay! You’ll find someone better than her! Then gave him a side hug… I don’t know if it helped him that time and it might sound “corny” but I felt my brother needed it and I felt I had to just blurt it out… I actually felt that was what all he wanted to hear—- someone telling him, you know what, you’ll be fine! So if you are a guy, don’t be ashamed to talk about it… THAT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU WEAK! In fact, you are courageous enough to admit it. Remember, “no man is an island” so don’t worry about what they think of you, most importantly you know who you are and if they are really your friends, they will understand your pain. If you want to talk about it under the influence of alcohol, it’s up to you but here are my two cents, alcohol is just an excuse for us to be honest with what we feel. I did it too many times and that was me being a coward. Coward to face my trouble and pain and I was in so much denial… Again, heartbreak is painful but never let your bad emotions to control you… never allow it to win!

In the end, it’s really our choice to either embrace heartache as an opportunity to mature and build ourselves up or allow it to destroy us and create a monster in us.

You have a choice. I have done my part.

 

 

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