Of Value isn’t MY Value

Jokingly, I said, I can probably exchange this to 3 milking cows and 500 laying hens in the Philippines, maybe more?

I don’t recall receiving an expensive gift from anyone other than an engagement ring and wedding band from both my ex husband and obviously Andrew too, a nice white gold necklace, and bracelet from my late Auntie Salma. I, however, have given many expensive gifts, sent huge amounts of money to family members, helped friends— and I still do—But receiving something expensive from anyone isn’t something I’m familiar with. 

When Andrew told me about getting me a nice gift for mother’s day, I thought of a simple home made dinner or a simple gift— but my husband wanted to give me a Grand Seiko watch that I also appreciated but it’s too expensive for me! I just don’t see myself receiving something extremely expensive, so I’d joke in response to his eagerness! “Fine! you can get me those!”

But deep inside, I know I’ve doubted his intention. So a few days before mother’s day, Andrew was still seemingly excited to give me something for mother’s day and had asked me again If I still wanted the watch, I responded, well, just give me something I can definitely use and I won’t be scared of losing it because of the size. Give me a purse! So he proceeded on asking, which one?

I responded, a nice coach purse is fine love. And he went ahead and insisted on getting something of value. And he did.

We went to the store, got the gift. But I felt so UNDESERVING and greedy at the moment. I felt that I had disobeyed God’s word.

1 Timothy 2:9-10

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

1 Peter 3:1-6

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.

So the next day, I cried and told Andrew, I think Mama is disappointed, let’s go and return it! 

Although I don’t really know if Mama was disappointed, I had a strong feeling, she was. I would be too! After all, it’s something I also consider expensive and unnecessary. But then Andrew told me, love it’s my gift to you, and you deserve it! Do you like it or not? Are you happy with your gift, or not? If you do, don’t think about what others think. It’s you that matters. 

I answered YES to both questions.

I contemplated after our conversation and checked the condition of my heart. And it led me to thinking of God’s inheritance to us as his children. The vastness of earth, the overflowing, unending, yet undeserved blessings that he continuously pour daily. 

It was very easy to think of myself as UNDESERVING, when I’ve received HIS precious gift of salvation daily, this earth and whatever is in it, is just a BONUS.

I honestly felt the love of the Lord using my husband’s gesture. I cried because I felt so undeserving, but God constantly reached out, offering His hands full of overflowing abundance. According to Ephesians 3:17-19, “so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

When I look at Andrew’s gift, I don’t see greed, I see his effort, I see his generosity in making me feel valued through ways he knows how, although not the only way.  And I am impressed that he, of all people, would extend the importance of receiving something of value but doesn’t necessarily mean MY VALUE.