From my Blogger Site. Post from 2012.
AN INNOCENT POISON
It’s exactly 12:48 am—- a sudden explosion from the inside of me. My heart couldn’t stop from beating fast— I am smiling but deep inside of me I was also confused if I am happy of God’s way of answering my prayers. I am shocked by abrupt changes surrounding me and sometimes I just want to close my eyes to the world. Breath in—- breath out~ inhale—exhale!! I’m shaking and it’s not even cold—- The heater is on and I’m wearing a sweater~~~I don’t know if I should be wondering why, but one thing for sure—– my heart is not feeling well and my body is not too. My heart is pounding so hard that it could almost crack open my chest. I guess—- I am hurt. OH, no not really— I guess I am soooooo hurt!!! And I am glad I’m feeling it—- It’s been awhile heartache!! I haven’t felt you in a very very long time, and now I’m feeling you again, welcome back!
I know am loved by a very very awesome God and I am so much blessed despite the pain inside of me. That’s what they said, Praise God despite sufferings, pains, and heartaches. And that’s what I am doing—and I will be doing it for the rest of my life.
This is the first time after a very very long time of not being able to feel such abyss of pain. A hole inside of me has again planted— a feeling that I did not want to feel again but it’s here, waking me up after a long sleep. I thought sleeping beauty will be awake by a Prince Charming’s kiss, but not anymore— she could actually be awake by Prince Charming’s fake innocent smile of affection. A phony sweet caress—- A false embrace of sweetness. Naive by appearance but deadly.
I was clearly enjoying the look of innocence covering the real sweet scent of poison inside of him. A clear picture of darkness in the form of light. I am not stupid, he is not bad— he is just too conscious of the people that he thought of just faking it for the sake of saving the Princess Life. But the sad thing was, he killed the princess—– he woke her up from a long deep sleep, but he woke her up with pain around her—a new journey to trudge for the princess and it will be a very very long one.
She thought it was her Prince Charming’s Kiss who saved her but it was just a kiss—- no more than that— no feelings, no love— no emotions. And the moment the princess realized it, it was too late for her and everyone in the palace to save her—- The poison was already inside of her… physically? you can see her—-
She’s not dead but her heart was closed—-
no feelings, no emotions…
But—- a life, with God, is a life worth living for~~ so, she might be living in confusion and pain as of the very moment—- but God said, though the sorrow may last for the night, JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!
and yes, she’s me— and I’m holding on to God’s promise because He is my only King, greater than the prince…
and God will never leave me, nor forsake me… ^_~
was I mad? no, I am not— I am hurt, and it’s good to be hurt when you know it’s right.
When God said Love one another as I love you. He did not say, expect to be loved in return— He just said, Love one another… 🙂
So, just because I’m hurt I will stop from loving others– no I won’t..
because love is not relative. It’s free-flowing– it’s a gift.