As I marvel on the snow covered ground and enjoy the brightness of sunshine in winter…

I can’t help but wonder on the coldness that has remained stagnant in my heart and the blinding darkness that’s hovering around my vulnerability.

I couldn’t quiet recognize if they are being suppressed or they are there and I probably just got used of their presence. Invisible, but destructive.

How long is this battle going to end?

Why do I still feel like I shouldn’t even fight anymore.

If I win, I lose. If I lose, I win.

If there’s nothing to gain and there’s nothing to lose..

Then why am I fighting?

At this point, despite knowing I have those that care about me and love me despite all these, why do I still want to be ALONE.

I don’t deserve any.

I can’t. I shouldn’t.