To quote from Kristine Binder, aka tutulady. “Every woman is an individual and my story does not diminish yours.”
To be honest, I don’t know Kristine personally. I haven’t met her nor I’m friends with her. (Albeit, I would love to!) I am thankful however, to my sister in law who introduced me to this compassionately kind and amazingly humble human being.
Yep! I’m describing her as that anyway! 😜😜
For a month now, I have been peaceful, joyful, and victorious! My day went on without even remembering the pain of my husband’s emotional betrayal. Oh yeah, I am sharing em’ now! I’ve been so vague these past months and I won’t be vague for the next months to come~ because, I am making a choice for myself today.
My voice matters. My life matters. My unrequited love matters. My loyalty matters. My unrequited faithfulness matters. My pain matters.
I may be faltering in choosing to express myself or not express myself because of the faith I have, but I am also aware that God wants my honesty rather than my fake worship.
For three days now, I have had strong annoyance, disgust, and anger towards my husband. Now, I question if I still love him, if I still want him, or if I still want to stay married to him. I have had thoughts of moving on, letting go, walking away without saying a word.
It’s not a secret anymore. I just told you. This is what I truly feel. I am undecided to whether I am staying, or I am fighting.
Because I feel like I am FIGHTING ALONE. My husband left a long time ago when he decided to talk to other women, so what is the point of fighting? When I’m a lone soldier, dying in the battlefield, left untreated.
If I stay, I will forever carry the burden of not being able to trust him again, to be PARANOID with little things, to NEVER find peace no matter what. I will be scared of my decisions. I will always be on DEFENSE mode once again. And this time, not just a hedge of protection I’m putting up, but a very strong, sealed to it’s tightest steel made 🖤 who must only let a number of friends in.
Knowing the heaviness of His word, His promises, His protections, His miracles—- I still couldn’t move past the stage of being UNWANTED.
And can you blame my victim heart?
While true deliverance are for the desperate, DELIVERANCE can still be shaken over and over again when we choose the wrong people in our lives.
These diabolical spirit steals our desperation to be redeemed.
Deliverance is a daily thing. It is for the desperate but it is truly hard work. To be delivered from betrayal, we shouldn’t be surrounded with UNFAITHFUL.
To be delivered, I have to forcefully remove myself from those that are steering me away from my purpose.
The reason why am I reluctant to make a decision because I don’t consider myself WORTHY to be delivered. I don’t see myself making the right decision when it comes to protecting my trust, my love, my heart.
When Kristine Binder told me, my story doesn’t diminish yours. I felt it. I am not alone in this fight.
And I want to fight it right this time.
Hannah girl, choose you.