Married for FIVE: Still Learning

We have been married for a little over five years and we have gotten extremely familiar of our usual routine. I usually find him on his “grandpa” chair every morning. If he is not watching his favorite TV shows, he is on his phone watching YouTube political speeches, or playing his guitar…

There are many “usuals” now in our married life that wasn’t usual when we were still dating. The stuff we used to do when we were dating have slowly died down— the late night chill, date nights almost every night like there’s no tomorrow, the never ending conversation just about everything… Those weren’t usuals for us anymore.

Our new usual? Work, organizations, groceries— and lots of relaxation! We find ourselves enjoying doing nothing!

Have I completely adjusted to this chapter? Of course not! Who will ever completely adjust? Everyday is different. Everyday, there’s always something new to learn, to criticize, to appreciate, to be happy about, to be annoyed about—-

Sometimes, I want to go out with him. Other days, I want him to leave me alone— I see and smell the same person everyday for the last five years, you can’t blame me if I like a little “me” time!

Although sometimes, I missed the fun moments when we were still dating, I have to constantly remind myself– it’s no longer the same. Marriage is different from dating. No matter how we wish to go back once in awhile to how we acted when we dated, there will always be this “familiarity” factor that affects everything.

I remember someone had said as an advice, always look for something fun to do in your marriage. Never stop!

I learned that to be true! Once we fail to recognize the need for “fun” and we just go on with our usual routine as married couple—We become too familiar~~ we can become “dull”—

I can compare it to my love for soccer! I love this sport so much~ but because I don’t practice, I don’t play, I don’t watch tournament as much and I became familiar with knowing nothing and not playing the sport, I am now fine without it. It doesn’t mean I don’t love the sport! I still do, but the excitement I had when I played and compete during tournaments, aren’t there anymore.

It’s the same with marriage! They said its hard work and a choice that we have to make everyday. We have to find something new– something to enjoy together, something to look forward, something to re-ignite the spark! Just something!

Because in marriage, our familiarity can sometimes cause us to be very unlikable individuals. Arguments becomes usual— being honest about how we feel becomes acceptable! Although it’s never okay to stay unlikable individuals, we can never control those moments of honesty.

We may say “we don’t want to be together that day”, but the next day, we want to buy each other ice cream! There are days I don’t like him! But there are days I want to show him how much he means the world to me! That life is empty without him!

The things that I enjoy the most about being married for five hears. I can be honest about how I feel. I didn’t have to pretend otherwise that I am fine when I am not. I can express it to him. He can express his feelings to me as well. Our version of fun might have changed, but everything is fun when I do it with him.

Marriage might not always be happy, it doesn’t always gives us rainbows and butterflies, but having someone to be with— is more than enough to enjoy the journey. Rain, snow, hail, tornado, and earthquake will pay us a visit on days we don’t expect, but we take time to refurbish, clean, and build over and over and over again.

It has been more than five years and I am still learning. To never ever let my husband fill my love cup, it’s not his job!

It’s our job as a woman to fill your own love cup. My husband will only put a little of my love cup but he shouldn’t be my source alone—

but God.

Because we humans fail daily. We fail daily… We are very fragile beyond explanation. I am still learning.

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